Quotes of Top 40 Most Popular Humor Quotes

Humor Quotes

It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.
Lewis Carroll

A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.
Jane Austen

Remember, we're madly in love, so it's all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it.
Suzanne Collins

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. 
W.C. Fields

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
George Carlin

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
Terry Pratchett

Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.
Charles Bukowski

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.
Jim Henson

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
Charles M. Schulz

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
Robert A. Heinlein

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
Garrison Keillor

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
Douglas Adams

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.
Mark Twain

The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.
Jane Austen

Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.
Narcotics Anonymous

Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you. 
Langston Hughes

A day without laughter is a day wasted. 
Charlie Chaplin

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else. 
Will Rogers

From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere. 
Dr. Seuss

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. 
e. e. cummings

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. 
Steven Wright

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. 
Erma Bombeck

One of the things that binds us as a family is a shared sense of humor. 
Ralph Fiennes

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. 
Peter Ustinov

Laughter is the closest distance between two people. 
Victor Borge

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven. 
Mark Twain

Celebrate your successes. Find some humor in your failures. 
Sam Walton

Great men are rarely isolated mountain peaks; they are the summits of ranges. Thomas W. Higginson

You can't be funny if you don't have good material. 
Matt LeBlanc

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
Mae West

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Albert Einstein

Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint.
Markus Herz

Have you ever noticed how ‘What the hell’ is always the right decision to make?
Terry Johnson

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.
Rita Mae Brown

Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.
Terry Pratchett

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer
Douglas Adams

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein

It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'.
Cassandra Clare

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Mark Twain

I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.
Jane Austen

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